Flattering a parent...

Here we see a young woman (@amyywoahh) in a shop acting as herself and also playing the role of her mother. Amy gives many compliments to her "mother" which amount to disingenuous flattery, used in hopes her mother will be in such a good mood that she will buy her gifts. Issues of power, closeness, and imposition underlie the flattery in the video. Parents, by default, have power over their children. Many (though not all) parents and children have a close personal relationship. The power dynamic makes it tricky for a child to request gifts from a parent without imposing. At the same time, the child may rely on the parent for financial support, and if the relationship is close, the child may exploit that closeness to get what they want by complimenting the parent. The complimenting in this video is insincere, but is done good-naturedly, and with humor. The video is also a good model for learners who want to practice intonation while complimenting, and learn about emphasis connectors (e.g., "so" and "really" seen in the video) which can be used to strengthen compliments.

GENDERED COMPLIMENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: YOUNG WOMEN TO YOUNG WOMEN

This TikTok shows a list of compliments that a traditionally-feminine-presenting young woman suggests giving to other "girls" (we can infer that by "girls," she means young women, not children, due to the language in her list). It's an excellent example of how the language used on social media, in text messages, and in other informal digital spaces, can be vastly different from the language that learners are taught in classrooms. 

The first compliment, "face tutorial???" suggests that the receiver of the compliment is so beautiful that the person speaking would like instruction on how to look like her. To correctly interpret this compliment, a learner would need existing schema for American English "make-up tutorial culture," a longtime YouTube trend where people make videos showing other make-up wearers new ways to apply cosmetics. "Teach me" is similar, as it means, "teach me to be just like you."

The spelling error in the 6th compliment of the first column (where the possessive "your" is written instead of the contraction "you're") is pervasive in online spaces, even among expert speakers. The abbreviation "mf" is a common acronym representing solidarity-building profanity; the acronym is used, rather than the spelled-out word, for brevity-- but it also softens and deflects the vulgarity. 

Other compliments of note: "wowowow" is shorthand for "Wow, wow, wow!" to indicate the person giving the compliment is in awe of the receiver. The repetition of the word "wow" adds emphasis to the compliment. "Every feature is literally in perfect proportion" shows how the word "literally" is no longer used...well, literally! At least not in American English. The word is used to add emphasis to whatever is being said, and in the case of the compliment depicted here, it acts as a synonym for "truly." "Holy moly" is an oath-like interjection, used to show surprise, that is commonly used as a compliment. It is synonymous with "wow."

Gendered Compliments on Social Media: Young Men to Young Men

A counterpoint to the "women complimenting women" video, @joshwoshyy using the #spreadkindness hashtag to assert that "guys" (masculine people) should compliment other guys. Learners might compare this video to the two above. What is different about the words used to give compliments? What is different about the intonation? In American English, the word "bro" (short for "brother,") is used sometimes by men - particularly young men - as a solidarity-building device. The inclusion of profanity, for instance, after saying the words "I love that" is used to give a masculine edge to language that might otherwise feel emasculating for the speaker.

Actually…

The word "actually" is considered a compliment mitigator in American English. Not everyone agrees, but many do NOT like when the word "actually" is inserted into a compliment. As shown in the video, language like "You're actually funny," can signal that the speaker was surprised that the receiver was funny.

Another example of how some American English speakers take offense to the "actually + compliment" construction was witnessed by an intern to an expert world language teacher. A student waved to the teacher as she left the room at the end of class and said, "Wow, I actually learned something today!" The teacher became furious, as she interpreted the comment to mean that the student had never learned anything from her before.

Oh my god, thank you!

Have you heard people preface compliments with the words, "Oh my god"? Utterances like "Oh my god, I LOVE your shoes!" and "Oh my god, this is the best coffee ever!" are common, but "Oh my god" is also used (mainly by women or female-identifying people) to preface the receipt of a compliment. The "Oh my god" implies that the receiver of the compliment is surprised by the compliment, and is thus a way to indicate humility just before receiving the compliment with a "thank you." Language learners might try adding "Oh my god" before their thank yous - or before their compliments! - in English, to sound more natural.

The first cartoon from Buzzfeed's Crystal Ro pokes fun at the American tendency to be hyperbolic when complimenting and praising. Words like hilarious, awesome, amazing, best greatest, and other superlatives are used to describe people, places, and things that are often only slightly above average-- or at least "not terrible." 

Identifying and understanding this norm can help language learners build solidarity in their communities. If everyone else at the business lunch says the pizza was "great" or "awesome," but the language learner says "it was OK, but maybe a little too salty," they may be perceived as having an unusually negative attitude. Language learners always have choices - e.g., perhaps you wouldn't mind if your coworkers thought of you as having a negative outlook - perhaps you self-identify as a realist! But learners should understand the rules (cultural and pragmatic norms) before they go about breaking them.

Ro's cartoon illustrates that words that seem like they are compliments should not always be taken at face value. Language learners should pay attention to delivery, including intonation, context, and facial expressions, when determining whether an American English speaker really does find something interesting. Did you just tell someone the details of a baseball game you attended, when you know they hate sports? Don't be surprised if they say "That's interesting," and quickly change the subject.

How to Flirt with Emojis (listicle)

Complimenting in Finland vs. Complimenting in the U.S. (blog post)

Katja Presnal, who moved to the U.S. from Finland, writes about the differences between Finnish and American compliment cultures. She describes how she experienced culture shock when she discovered that complimenting is a typical feature of small talk in the U.S., and the way she felt when her fiancé's family complimented her skin and hair as part of small talk. In Finland, custom dictates that you would ask a young woman her opinion about politics or controversial issues when meeting her for the first time. 

What is particularly interesting about Presnal's account is that she suggests she felt devalued by small talk culture in the U.S.-- at least before she understood that very superficial topics are expected. As Presnal learned, the American custom is to only discuss politics, religion, money, and controversial issues in +solidarity relationships. Language learners may choose to discuss such topics with people they aren't close to, but if they do, they should know they are deviating from social norms.

American vs. German Compliment Cultures (blog post)

Courtney Tenz, an American who has spent more than a decade living in Germany, describes her difficulty adjusting to German-speakers' approach to complimenting. In Germany, the absence of criticism is perceived as an implicit compliment, whereas in America, people may grow concerned if they aren't receiving regular compliments and praise. She analyzes the perception that complimenting in American English is superficial and based on flattery, and compares that with the perception that Germans are more truthful when they do give compliments. 

The resource compels learners of American English to ask themselves: In what ways is complimenting in my country of origin similar or different from complimenting in the U.S.? How do I know?

Politeness | YouTube Video

In this short video, the speaker prefaces their definition of “politeness” as “appropriate to context.” The speaker transitions to a contrast between invitation requests of a Midwestern native speaker of English and a Colombian native speaker of Spanish to convey how people emphasize the sincerity of their invitations differently with the same goal in mind. As a teacher you could use this with scaffolding to introduce the concept of comparing and contrasting initiating, accepting and declining invitations to invite your students to compare and contrast their own decisions in similar encounters. As a language learner, this is a tool to brainstorm and reflect on how and why you yourself would choose a certain strategy in a real-world context when you encounter an invitation or want to invite someone to your own event.

Chat Stations for Class Discussion | YouTube Video

This resource pulled from the Cult of Pedagogy website proposes chat stations, which are less time-intensives for teachers to set up as opposed to other types of in-class stations. The goal is to make the setting more informal and for students to engage in conversation with each other about a “chat station” which can be as simple as posting a few posters around a classroom and getting students to discuss the visuals and content on the posters as it pertains to other knowledge they are attaining in class. If a teacher wanted to implement this approach with teaching the pragmatics of English L2 compliments, it would be worthwhile to explore memes to use as conversation starters, advice columns on how to use compliments while dating, and the concept of the “humble brag” as a pitfall for talking about personal achievements in a personal, professional or academic setting. I particularly like the idea of linking the chat stations to the Grammarly article also posted here as a resource, “What is Humblebragging, and How Can You Avoid it in Your Writing?”

How Dialogue Journals Build Student-Teacher Relationships | Blog Post

Potentially adaptable for adult education settings, this article found on the Cult of Pedagogy website features the concept of a dialogue journal in the K-12 setting. The teacher who implemented it initiated written conversations with her students to get to know them better and for them to get to know her better. The goal was to make sure learners could bring up any challenges they are facing in class or outside of class as well as showing a genuine interest in their passions and interests as individuals. The journals really helped the teacher prepare and reflect on how to tailor her class for her students and what content to review and recycle more. It also helped her build a better interpersonal relationship with her students. 

A Strength-Based Approach to Teaching English Learners | Blog Post

In this Cult of Pedagogy article by Laura Lenz, the author emphasizes that when K-12 English learners shine, their teachers and fellow students should validate and point out how bright they are shining. English learners are some of the future leaders in our communities, and the approaches she speaks about here emphasizes the unique value their perspective and their experiences bring to the classroom. She asks the reader to consider the value in looking beyond benchmarks and standardized tests and seeing the inherent value in seeing students strengths before commenting on their challenges.

Giving and Accepting Compliments in English | Blog Post

If you are looking for a lesson plan outline to adapt for teaching ESL/EFL learners about giving and receiving compliments, look no further! As a complement to the activity that our team designed, this is an ESL blog for teachers and features a list of appearance, work, talent, food and indirect compliments that are common in English to include in a lesson plan. It also has explicit explanations of responses people generally say when given a compliment.

6 Ways to Pay a Compliment in English | YouTube Video

In this lovely and quirky ESL instruction video, two teachers of English--a woman from Great Britain and a man from the USA introduce useful terms, collocations and expressions that often come up when people express and receive compliments in an informal setting. As a language learner, this is good for many proficiency levels. You can turn on subtitles and slow down the speech speed with the settings on the YouTube video.

Conversational English - Giving Compliments | YouTube Video

This video introduced three basic formulaic compliments structures in American English. The author used a simple story of friends coming visiting her new house and compliments on it.  It is suitable for novice to intermediate level adult learners to enhance their conversational English. In this video, the author expanded from the examples to teach learners how to use the three formulaic compliments which is “nice +a noun”, “I really like + an item” and “what a great + a noun”.

Complimenting Someone - Easy English Conversation Practice | YouTube Video

This is a 2 mins video of easy pragmatic conversation practice in English. It provides 6 example dialogue across all aspects of daily life, such as compliments to a girl’s haircut or her bag. Or praise someone’s expertise like “you are a great skier/ incredible pianist.” This video could be used in any English class with varied proficiency learners. The teacher could either pick some of the dialogue to introduce to the students, or the teacher could expand it to a longer conversation for higher proficiency learners.

The Compliment Song for kids! What is a compliment? How can you give one? | YouTube Video

It’s a four mins song about teaching compliments to lower ages learners with novice proficiency in ESL context. The rhythm is simple and the sound is quite melodious. The song started with compliments on someone’s appearance such as “ I like your hats/ eyes”, continuously, the teacher upgraded the compliments to someone’s trait such as “I like that you are helpful.” In the end of the song, the singer also provides the basic responses to compliments. It could be an authentic and entertaining material for teaching English to kids. 

Giving compliments: 3 examples | YouTube Video 

It’s three audio clips about people giving compliments in different situations. Specially, it represents diversity among plus/ minus distance and power in pragmatic conversation In English.The pacing of all three dialogues are fast as English native speakers, it also includes some American culture elements such as the “Old Navy” clothes brand. It maintains the authenticity of the teaching material but it’s also limited the scope of usage to advanced proficiency of adult English learners.

Giving and receiving compliments | Example Lesson Plan

Download Link: http://www.inclusivetoolbox.org/Tool8_mdde631-inclusiveles.pdf

 It’s an example lesson plan focusing on practicing giving and responding to compliments in English. It is for intermediate English learners with no specific age group. This lesson plan provides varied drills and activities that are able to be used in the physical classroom. At the end of the lesson plan, also included some sample conversation practice scripts. I’ll recommend this lesson plan as a reference to any future teachers who wish to teach a class about compliments. 

Learn the Top 10 English Compliments You Always Want to Hear | YouTube Video

The YouTuber provided top 10 English compliments that are pleasant to most people. There are also some instructions about where and how to use these compliments and the author discusses why she likes these compliments and why it's nice to say to someone else. From my perspective, the teacher could use these example compliments in a discussion activity and let students share their favorite ones and why. This video will fit well in intermediate to advanced English classrooms for adolescent and adult learners

40 Heartfelt Thank you Messages for Colleagues | Blog Post

A general and unabridged material, these thank you messages are designed to give readers advice and ideas for how they can convey gratitude in a note or in person for the people that work alongside them. Intended for high school or adult learners, this material could be a great look inside the cultural expectations of how to express thankfulness briefly and professionally although it is only a sample list of potential compliments and thank you messages.

Example Thank You Messages for Your Boss | Article

In tandem with “The 40 Best Thank You Messages for Colleagues,” this article is designed for a trickier plus power situation--how to express thankfulness to a supervisor or boss. In adult academic settings, this information could be helpful to job seekers or people striving for better interpersonal relationships with professors or other people who have seniority rank in various contexts.

How to Compliment Someone in English | Blog Post

This article is from Kaplan International, an organization that offers lessons in several different languages, including English. The short article provides several examples of sentence structures typically used for giving compliments in English. These sentence structures allow learners to personalize the compliments they give and make them specific to a given context. Additionally, this article continues with a short description of several types of compliments: physical appearance, performance, personal qualities, and possessions. This article is great for introducing the topic of compliments to learners because it is short and to the point.  

50 Nice Things to Say to a Friend | Blog Post

This great article collected 50 compliment sentences that are able to say to friends. It covers most aspects of giving compliments such as praising someone’s appearance like ”I like your smell” and complimenting someone’s inherent traits like bravery or inspiration. If the teacher wants to use this article as one of his/her teaching material, he/she might simply print it out and give it to students. The teacher could let students practice these sentences in pairs like role play. Or students can have a short group discussion that talks about their favorite compliments. 

What is Humblebragging, and How Can You Avoid it in Your Writing? | Blog Post

This article from Grammarly is geared towards best practices describing your own achievements in the workplace. In this authentic material that could be adapted for a lesson plan or homework material, the author introduces the concept of a “humble brag” and how you can carefully phrase statements to avoid the misstep of using one in a situation where your intent is to be truly humble and relatable. This material could also be especially helpful to start a conversation on the ubiquitous nature of humble brags on social media for both language learners and educators.

100 Positivity-Boosting Compliments | Blog Post

This article is from Very Well Mind, a psychology website focusing on mental health and self-improvement. It is a resource for expert speakers who are looking to better themselves and the ways in which they interact the world. This article is organized by type of compliment (positivity, personal traits, intelligence and creativity, accomplishments, and personal relationships), and gives examples of very common compliments, such as "You light up the room" or "You're one of a kind." This would be a great resource for learners because it is authentic, so it gives great examples of real-world compliments that would by used by expert speakers of English. It also gives an explanation on why giving and receiving compliments is good for your mental health, which can start a conversation in a classroom about the increasing importance and normalization of mental health in English-speaking cultures.

10 BEST Compliments - Conversation Starting Compliments For Both Men & Women | YouTube Video

This video will be great for advanced adult learners, specially it focuses on compliments among gender differences in a casual speech or a workplace. The only problem of this video is there is a 30 min sponsor advertising introduction, it’s unrelated to the compliments content. If the teacher wants to use it as a teaching resource, he/she might need to cut that part or just use the script.

10 Proven Compliments to Give a Girl That Build Attraction | YouTube Video

This video is from a female perspective to teach others how to compliment a girl. Continuing with the gender difference, scholar articles represent the women usually like to hear compliments about their appearance. But when people praise on that part, they need to be careful on their words because sometimes it could be offensive. I would recommend this video as an extra resource of self-learning  for advanced adult learners who wish to learn more about giving compliments pragmatically in their life. 

Title | Type

This image is a meme, or a humorous image that is spread in online spaces, often with variations. This meme includes a screen grab from the movie Labyrinth, which was released in 1986 and stars David Bowie. While it is not necessary to know where this image originates to understand the meme, it can start a conversation on classic American film and its impact throughout time. This meme discusses the awkwardness of receiving a compliment. In the United States, it is not uncommon to not really understand the best way to receive a compliment. There is a wide variety of accepted social norms for receiving compliments, from expressing gratitude to denying the compliment altogether. Since there is no set expectation, even expert speakers can get confused about how to respond when complimented.

Family Guy: Women vs. Men | YouTube Video

This video clip is from Family Guy, a popular TV series in the US that began in 1999 and has almost 20 seasons. This animated sitcom often makes light of controversial topics in an effort to be funny. This clip discusses how gender can affect the intention of a compliment. It shows women giving each other "backhanded" compliments, or insults that are disguised as compliments. It is not uncommon to hear backhanded compliments in American TV and movies, particularly between women. This is due to women being traditionally expected to "save face" and maintain relationships that look friendly and positive to other people, even if that is not how they really feel towards each other. This stereotype is overexaggerated in the media, and does not reflect the reality of friendships between women in most cases. This video would be a great resource for initiating discussions on what genuine and deceptive compliments look like, and how one should react to both. 

Men React to Being Called Handsome | YouTube Video

This video clip is from a peculiar source, a YouTube channel named "Attract Great Guys," a channel targeted towards women to help them find "high quality men" for relationships. While this in and of itself would be a great way to begin a discussion on social norms in English-speaking cultures, the video shown here shows several random men being complimented on their physical appearance by a woman and their varied reactions to the compliment. A few men avoid the compliment, others accept it, and some reject it entirely. This resource could help learners visualize how varied the social norms are in terms of receiving compliments. It could also start a discussion on what type of response they would be most comfortable with and how that response would be received in an English-speaking community.  

Women React to Being Called Beautiful | YouTube Video

This video depicts women reacting to being complimented on their physical appearance by another woman. This could be compared to the previous video, as it also shows variations in compliment responses (avoiding, accepting, and rejecting). This video could also start a conversation on the gender dynamics of compliments: Is it easier for a woman to accept a compliment from another woman than to accept one from a man, and if so, why would that be the case? We can also analyze the origin of these two videos. The first one is from a dating site, and this one is from a women's magazine company. Would these sources have different motivations for the same type of video?

Monster's Inc. Clip: Tender, Oozing Blossom | YouTube Video

This video clip comes from a beloved movie in American households, Monsters, Inc. This film is an early Disney Pixar movie about monsters entering the human world in order to scare children, whose screams are an energy source for the monster world. In this clip, Mike Wazowski, needs to request something from the secretary, Roz, who is not very happy with him. In an effort to have his request fulfilled, he begins the conversation by flattering Roz with compliments that could only be appropriate in a monster world. This video could start a conversation on the different uses of compliments, such as for thanking someone, strengthening an interpersonal bond, or as in this case, making a request.  

Friends Clip: I've Never Wanted You More | YouTube Video

Sarcastic compliment: “I’ve never wanted you more.” 

Context of situation, tone, facial expressions → sarcasm

This video is from Friends, a popular American sitcom that ran for 10 seasons starting in 1994. The video clip shows a brother, Ross, and sister, Monica, fighting over the bathroom in an immature, childlike way. Ross' girlfriend, Rachel, witnesses the argument. After the fight, Rachel gives Ross a heavily sarcastic compliment. This resource would be useful in demonstrating how much compliments can vary in use. Like the Family Guy and Monsters, Inc. resources, this video shows how a compliment can be used in a way that strays from what compliments typically mean in interpersonal relationships.

Hey Reddit, is it OK to compliment a stranger? | Reddit Post

Reddit is a popular website that is used throughout the world to discuss all sorts of topics. This question was posed by one user nine years ago, who was uncertain whether it was appropriate to give a compliment to someone they don't know. Several English speakers contribute to the discussion with varying perspectives. The general consensus is that it is appropriate, regardless of gender, to give very specific compliments to a stranger. For example, "I like your necklace" is more appropriate than "You have a great body." The discussion would be a great firsthand look into what kind of language English speakers use and how social norms are debated even by members of English-speaking communities.  

The 9 Best Things You Can Say to a Teacher | Article

This article is from Ramsey, a website that provides tools to people to help with their finances. The website also helps people with their leadership skills and personal development, which is where article fits in. The article describes the importance of teachers to today's world and how to thank them appropriately. While this isn't mentioned in the article, there are power dynamics between a teacher and a student (even a former one), so compliments should be worded carefully and are most effective if they are specifically geared towards their teaching performance. The article is very good at explaining why the examples they give are appropriate and impactful. 

Dead by Daylight Discussion | Discord Chat

This photo is from an online public discord server for the community that plays the game Dead by Daylight. The server allows for general chatting between members and constantly shows pragmatic strategies being used. Whether it’s slang, responding, humor, or other pragmatic features of language, it’s extensive in the general chat. General chats give opportunities for learners to observe, analyze, and extend pragmatic knowledge. Since the server is public, anyone from any community can join, leading to intercultural communication.

Funny interaction with a player after a game | Reddit Post

This post shows an interaction between players in a game-chat. One of the players uses “lol” to make his critique of another player sound more light-hearted. The following comments on the reddit post discuss the use of “lol” and other possible ways to do the same thing. One person suggests using “lmao” to really make it seem like you’re not salty when you are. Reddit posts like this are great for learners to observe and discuss pragmatic examples in the gaming context.

Why “No Problem” Can Seem Rude: Phatic Expressions | Reddit Post

This post on the r/RocketLeague subreddit showcases the phatic expressions and humor/sarcasm present in the online multiplayer game Rocket League. In this game, players use "quick chats" (pre-written short messages) to communicate with teammates and enemies. One of these chats is the 'no problem!' quick chat, which is used to maintain a positive mental (term for having a strong mental strength and not getting overly frustrated) between teammates when something bad happens. However, some players use it sarcastically when someone does something bad for humor. Through this game, players can learn about sarcasm and how to use simple phatic expressions.

Rocket League: 20 Unspoken Rules Every Beginner Should Know | Article

These "unspoken rules" of Rocket League are actually pragmatic knowledge for the digital game. Some of these rules have to do with quick chats, others have to do with different game-play strategies that should or should not be used. Following these rules is essential for avoiding miscommunication and having positive interactions with other players during game play, just as having pragmatic knowledge about a target language can help avoid miscommunication with expert speakers.

Apex Legends From Start To Finish - Real English for Gamers | Article

This article discusses how Apex Legends could be a good game for learners of English to practice language skills, as it requires consistent communication with teammates. The article is unique however, as it covers different stages of gameplay and uses popular video clips to explain relevant terminology, phrases, and language functions necessary for communication. This allows learners to have visual and auditory input and observation before analyzing and extending the knowledge they've observed.

Pragmatic Skills Series: Apps that promote social skills! | Blog Post

This website/blog for speech-language pathologists includes a list of apps/games that are used in therapy rooms for teaching pragmatic skills. The blog post prices of each and the skills they assist learners with. These apps could be helpful for learners as self-study tools or for teachers, especially with younger learners.